The 90s Never Happened

Episode 12: Do Androids Dream of Electric Spider Slayers?

Welcome to The 90s Never Happened, your one-stop podcast for everything you wanted to know about 90s comics but are too afraid to ask!
 
This week,  Dan, Jude, and Bree continue their discussion on Peter Parker's pernicious parents. Are they who they claim to be, or are they clones, aliens, alien clones, boomer assholes, or something even weirder? Our crack team of comic book readers and pretend experts will get to the bottom of it all! Also, what's the deal with all these damn Spider Slayers messing up Spidey's "platonic" outings with his ex girlfriend The Black Cat?
 
Remember, kids, if a white-haired woman dressed in black showing almost all of her boobies asks you what comics you should read, be sure to tell her that the 90s never happened!
 
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Episode 11: There’s Something About Mary and Richard Parker

Welcome to The 90s Never Happened, your one-stop podcast for everything you wanted to know about 90s comics but are too afraid to ask!
 
Because Jude and Bree demanded it, we're talking about Peter Parker's Parents and their 90s resurrection. Who are Mary and Richard Parker? Where have they been all these years? Why is Peter being such a little bitch about it? We answer those questions (probably) and more as we take a deep dive into this superhero who suddenly isn't an orphan anymore! 
Also, we talk about Black Cat and Spidey's relationship, Mary Jane's relationship with those cancer sticks, and our relationship to one another.
This week's suggested reading is Amazing Spider-Man issues 366-369 from the year of our spider lord 1992! 
Remember, if your parents come back from the dead and ask what comic books they should read, be sure and tell them the 90s never happened!
 

Episode 10: Marvel Gets Horny

Welcome to The 90s Never Happened, your one-stop podcast for everything you wanted to know about 90s comics but are too afraid to ask!
Happy belated Valentine's Day from Dan, Jude, and Bree. On this special holiday episode, we read 1997's Marvel Valentine Special, which includes five short lovey dovey tales featuring Spider-Man and Mary Jane, Daredevil, Venus, Absorbing Man and Titania, and Cyclops and Jean Grey! Do these five stories bring up feelings of love or trigger our collective gag reflexes?
 
You may have eaten your last heart-shaped chocolate, but we're going to keep bringing you gifts in audio form! Like, subscribe, and tell your lovers. If anyone stops the coitus to ask what comic books they should read, be sure and tell them the 90s never happened!
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Content warning:
Talk of sexual assault, domestic abuse, and other such topics are discussed while we cover the Daredevil "Love Hurts" story. Some strong language is used that may trigger or upset. If you wish to listen to this episode and skip this portion, it takes place from 19:45 to 37:31.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation and you need help, call the National Domestic Abuse hotline at 1-800-799-Safe(7233)

Episode 9: Way Too Much Carnage

Welcome to The 90s Never Happened, your one-stop podcast for everything you wanted to know about 90s comics but are too afraid to ask!
We finally get around to finishing Maximum Carnage! Dan, Jude, and Bree read part 14 in Spider-Man Unlimited #2. They discuss how Peter was right to lock Mary Jane out of his double life, why Spider-Man has such a hardon for sparing Carnage's life, and what happens when comic book writers don't know how electric facilities operate. Also, we talk about the comic book. 
This roller coaster may be over, but this show sure isn't! Like, subscribe, and tell your friends. Go to confession while you're at it. If your priest asks what comics he should read, make sure and tell him The 90's Never Happened.
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Programming note: At the end of this episode we discuss jumping into Amazing Spider-Man 366-369 for the saga of Peter's parents. Instead, we'll be reading 1997's Marvel Valentine Special--just in time to be three entire days late for a Valentine's Day episode!

Episode 8: Symbiotic Plot Armor

Welcome to The 90s Never Happened, your one-stop podcast for everything you wanted to know about 90s comics but are too afraid to ask!
Jude is back from her stint in prison, so we're web-shooters deep into Maximum Carnage. This week, we've read parts 9-13. In the penultimate episode of this crossover, we get exhausted from the amount of superheroes in this thing, Captain America's forced patriotism, and Peter's gaslighting of Mary Jane. And what the hell are Morbius, Deathlok, and Iron Fist even doing here?
As always, like and subscribe. Tell a friend. Make sure your proctologist listens. Leave a review, especially if you hate us. This thing runs on props.
If anyone asks you what comics to read, tell them The 90s Never Happened!

Episode 7: The Other Red Wedding

Welcome to The 90s Never Happened, your one-stop podcast for everything you wanted to know about 90s comics but are too afraid to ask!
Jude is missing for "reasons", so our coverage of Maximum Carnage is once again put off for another week. Instead of following the outline of episodes someone painstakingly put together, Dan and Brynn invite some dude named Matt Rose to the show to discuss 1994's X-Men #30 AKA The Ties That Bind AKA the wedding of Scott Summers and Jean Grey. We discuss mutant marriage rights, the consistency of wedding attire, and speculate on who's making the wedding all about themselves.
Don't get to used to these lovey-dovey themes! We'll return next week with Jude with our penultimate Maximum Carnage episode. We'll be covering Web of Spider-Man 103, Amazing Spider-Man 380, Spider-Man 37, and Spectacular Spider-Man 203.
As always, like and subscribe. Tell a friend. Tell your mother while she's drunk at a wedding. Leave a review, even if you hate us. Keep this machine running.
If anyone asks you what comics to read, tell them The 90s Never Happened!

Episode 6: Dan Got Punched in the Stomach

Welcome to The 90s Never Happened, your one-stop podcast for everything you wanted to know about 90s comics but are too afraid to ask!
Like Spidey, Maximum Carnage is kicking our asses. So, this week, Dan, Jude, and Bree decide to take a break from it to hear some lore. Back in 1993, Dan was punched in the stomach in sixth grade because of an issue of Maximum Carnage. Which one was it? How did Dan cope with the punching? Will Jude and Bree look at him differently after hearing this harrowing tale? Tune in and find out!
As always, like and subscribe. Tell a friend. Tell your mother. Leave us a review or something. This machine runs on props and clout! 
Programming note: At the end of this episode, we advertise Maximum Carnage parts 10-13 for the following episode. Due to some unforeseen nonsense, we will not be doing this next week, but we will be getting back into it soon! Instead, next week's episode will feature a guest host, and we'll be reading and dissecting 1994's X-Men #30: The wedding of Scott Summers and Jean Grey. 

Episode 5: Morbimum Carnage

Dan, Jude, and Bree continue their reading of 1993's Spider-Man crossover Maximum Carnage with parts 6-9(lol). The sheer amount of new hero intros exhaust the crap out of us, but we persevere to discuss how Mary Jane is the real hero, Spider-Man is wrong about pretty much everything, and how the writers were venting their frustration in the narrative. 
Programming update: At the end of this episode, we give Maximum Carnage parts 10-13 as next week's reading. Due to unforeseen events, those will be postponed. Instead, we'll be talking about a real-life nineties event Spider-Man adjacent.
As always, like, subscribe, and deal with the fact that the 90s never happened.

Episode 4: Maximum Cringe

Dan, Jude, and Bree get tits-deep in Maximum Carnage as they explore parts 2-5 of the 1993 Spider-Man crossover featuring too many heroes and villains to list in a podcast episode description. What does our gang think about the continuing saga of good versus evil? Will Team Spidey or The Carnage Family reign supreme? Did Mary Jane just pick up that pack of cigarettes?!
Suggested reading is Maximum Carnage parts 2-5 in Web of Spider-Man 101, Amazing Spider-Man 378, Spider-Man 35, and Spectacular Spider-Man 201.
Catch up on our episodes leading up to Maximum Carnage and don't forget to follow on your favorite podcast app. Like and subscribe for more 90s fun, and follow the pod on Bluesky: 90sNeverHappened.BSKY.Social.

Episode 3: An Undeterminable Amount of Carnage

The 90s Never Happened episode 3: An Undeterminable Amount of Carnage
In this episode, Dan lays out part one of fourteen of Maximum Carnage with Spider-Man Unlimited #1. Spidey's getting ready to face his most deadly foe once more, but he's not going at it alone. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Jude and Bree are along for the blood-fueled ride where we see Carnage bust out of a mental institution, meet Kiss's number one fan Shriek, and tears ass through New York. Does the start of this epic showdown hold up, or is Maximum Carnage shaping up to be a big, floppy symbiote tendril? Tune in to find out!